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[ it takes an embarrassingly small amount of effort on shiro's part to make keith's heart skip beats. the part of his face that's scarred over is numb from having nerve endings burned away, so the patchwork sensation of fingers and palm on his face is strange, but not unwelcome. keith leans into the touch, angling for a light nuzzle while their lips stay pressed together.

he doesn't expect this to last long -- none of their kisses do. but he's bainted into thinking otherwise when shiro parts his lips and keith actually gasps, suddenly unsure of how to work tongues into this without being a sloppy mess.

in the end, he doesn't have to work it out. shiro pulls away, leaving keith caught feeling warm and disappointed. really, he shouldn't be disappointed at all because a hard on is difficult to hide with pants on. and fucking impossible to do so when all he's got on is a jock strap. keith clears his throat, taking a half step back and straightening up as shiro scoots further away. ]

Mm...

[ he sits, resisting the urge to lick his lips as he tugs the zipper down one of his boots. ]

Should probably change back into my normal boxers too.

[ the outfit truly is atrocious. shiro gets an eyeful of keith standing there, red jockstrap, white tank and black thigh highs, and then he gets a glimpse of skin. the boy turns to sit and of course shiro’s gaze zeroes in, but then the mattress dips and shiro breathes out a barely there laugh, part chastising himself as he shakes his head. ]

If that’ll make you more comfortable.

[ honestly, it would likely make shiro feel more comfortable too. he’s riding high on momentum right now: a few things have clicked into place and the relief is overwhelming, as well as the excitement. but he isn’t so foolish to think that it will continue to go this smoothly if there’s a lull, in which the two of them are curled close, keith nearly naked from the waist down.

it’s a lot. not bad a lot, but – a lot.

he picks up the pillow and plops it down, butted against the headboard. he stretches out then: head to the pillow and feet to the other end of the bed, flat on his back with his head turned toward keith. he reaches out a hand, having just enough reach to brush the tips of his fingers to keith’s back. ]

I want you to feel comfortable here.

[ with him. ]

[ keith pulls the zipper all the way down and tugs off the first boot. he pauses then, when he feels fingers brush lightly against his back, looking over his shoulder at shiro stretched out and comfortable with a warm smile. ]

Heh, okay.

[ the agreement comes easily enough, but as keith turns his attention back to the other boot, he speaks up again, tone contemplative and quiet. ]

But so you know? I am comfortable here.

[ really, porn prison as a whole makes his skin crawl, but being around shiro and his cube is relaxing, so long as he doesn't think too much about the aftermath of his sexperiment. keith grimaces slightly, swallowing as he works the zipper down and frees his other foot. the socks come off next, keith continuing to talk throughout like words come easier when his hands and mind are partly occupied with something else. ]

...Not in these clothes specifically, but you know. Generally.

[ whether it's necessary to explain or not is hard to say, but keith wants this much clarified at least. ]

I don't know. It's weird. I don't mind you looking. [ a beat, then he shakes his head, folding, unfolding only to refold his socks. ] No, I mean -- I like how you look at me. A lot. I just... I guess I feel awkward in my own skin most of the time.

[ finally he drops the socks and laughs sheepishly. ]

I'm sorry if that made you think I wasn't comfortable with you.

Edited (:/ i tried to edit and then my icon reset to default somehow) 2022-07-18 05:43 (UTC)

[ shiro appreciates the over-clarification. as in sync as they are in other aspects of their friendship, they seem to suffer the biggest hurdle when it comes to communicating what it is they feel toward or want from each other. so much of it has been implied throughout the years that, perhaps, shiro’s taken it for granted that keith doesn’t intrinsically know how dear he is to him. or how, out of everyone shiro has left in his life, keith is the person shiro feels the most secure with. he’s been there the longest, afterall. he knew shiro before and after the most trying time in his life, and still, seems to know him, the real him, despite all the changes.

sometimes shiro wonders if this keith feels the same way. maybe he does for his shiro, because this shiro, the one stretched out and retracting his hand to lay over his stomach, hasn’t been there to the end. there is so much time between them; so much time that shiro has only the cliff-notes of and can’t be of any real use to help keith through.

he can, at the very least, help keith through this trying time though. so, silently, he listens and watches as keith fiddles with his socks. he can’t see much of it from his position, but he can see the motion of keith’s biceps, triceps, and the line of his shoulders as his hair brushes over his nape, through the shaking of his head. he frowns faintly, not finding comfort in the laughter or the apology. ]

You haven’t made me think that.

[ not exactly. there are isolated moments of doubt but overall: ]

You’ve done the opposite, actually. [ he has no control over how his mind drifts to keith drugged out on aphro. the way he’d pawed at shiro, the things he’d said… – shiro flicks his gaze back to the ceiling. then there’s the night keith urged him to sleep over and how they’d curled together, followed up by kisses and flirting and –

keith’s done his best to make the transition easy. the problem is with – ] I’m the one who’s been acting like I’m uncomfortable.

[ still, partly true. his frown deepens further, trying to work out the explanation in his head. ]

As stupid as it sounds, I think I’ve been like that because I care so much about you. [ ultimately, he sighs and rolls onto his side, arm slung out over the bedding beside him. the bedding that keith really ought to fill but shiro doesn’t urge for, beyond a brief patting of his fingers. he does smile though, the curve sheepish and apologetic all at once. ]

I don’t wanna mess up with you.

[ boots and socks off, keith gives his toes a wiggle as he listens, still glancing at shiro over his shoulder. honestly, he's relieved at first, but that gives way to a gentle confusion. it's true enough that physical affection between them has stayed relatively innocent when there aren't any outside influences at play, and keith did assume that it had to do with shiro being uncomfortable on some level. hearing that much confirmed is a strange mix of deflating and illuminating, but the explanation gives him something different to puzzle over.

it's kinda funny. at this point, keith isn't sure what shiro could even do to mess up their friendship so badly that they wouldn't recover. then again, this shiro hasn't (and won't) hear about murderous clones. keith turns his face forward after that, head ducked slightly. after all, with the destruction of the castle of lions and the rest of the fallout from lotor's death, it's not like keith's really gotten the chance to pick shiro's brain about the clone incident. he assumes that shiro forgives him for not realizing he'd been replaced, but ... if that's not a mess up of colossal proportion, then what is?

moreover, if this shiro knew the whole truth ... would he really want to be cuddling and kissing uncertain, keith idles, neither getting up to change nor sinking backwards onto the bed. ]

I don't think... [ he pauses, brow pinching as he shuffles up to his feet and looks towards the counter where he's left his boxers. ] ... I don't think you have to worry about htat. No matter what happens, we don't give up on each other, remember?

[ years ago, when shiro took keith under his wing and promised to never give up on him, he did not, for one second, think that one day that vow would be echoed back at him while his protégé stood there, bare assed and beautiful. when shiro thinks about it too long, it’s a little weird – but then again, what in his life isn’t categorized as weird at this point? beneath the weird though, there’s a ping of softhearted elation. it warms him to know that all this time later, that moment has stuck with keith; that he firmly believes it to be true. it is true of course. shiro will never abandon keith, whether their best friends or lovers or something in between. it’s the thought of keith being right there with him, steadfast and certain in the value they hold in one another, that has shiro ducking his face into the pillow, smiling soft and pleased, even a touch bashful, to himself. ]

Yeah. I remember.

[ forgive him, it’s partly muffled into the pillowcase. and forgive him, too, for not quite catching the dip in keith’s mood. keith’s expression is mostly hidden from him, though shiro does peek at his turned face, watching his profile as the other boy directs toward the counter.

he’s hesitating. they both are. shouldn’t keith have stepped away by now? gotten his boxers and covered up, rather than standing there, flashing shiro his ass? he’s tempted then, to scoot closer and drag keith into bed himself. maybe that’s what keith wants too…? maybe he’s waiting. maybe he’s giving shiro the opportunity.

shiro has nothing to worry about, right?

shiro’s fast when he wants to be and right now, he utilizes his speed by pushing up and crawling to the edge of the bed to then heft himself up on his knees and hook his arms around keith. ]

You don’t need ‘em.

[ the boxers. neither does shiro. he thought, maybe, he’d feel more comfortable with keith covered up, but he’s reconsidering that as he puts his weight into pulling keith down into the bedding with him. they don’t quite land correctly to have them situated correctly on the bed; they’ll need to arrange themselves properly. for the moment, however, shiro keeps his arms around keith, spooning him from behind. ]

There we go. Much better.

[ being preoccupied with heavy questions has a way of slowing keith down. lingering by the bed for that extra beat trying to think of what else to say to a shiro who doesn't know what he knows proves to be one of the better inadvertent decisions he's made all day though. strong arms encircle his waist from behind and keith actually sputters a: ]

Hey!

[ before being hauled back onto the soft bed. he laughs despite not knowing how to articulate what's funny, but the sound tapers off as shiro brushes his bare ass from behind. face feeling hot, keith glances behind him. they're not properly aligned, so he gets a view of the top of shiro's head rather than his face, but maybe the lack of eye contact is better anyway? again, he couldn't say. ]

Sneak attacking me like that.

[ not at all honorable. clapping his hand down on shiro's shoulder, he gives it a playful shake as he starts to shift lower into the bed to catch shiro's eye. ]

That's not very paladin like.

[ keith could probably get away if he wanted to. no, not probably. shiro is certain keith could wriggle away, especially because shiro’s arms would slack if there were any genuine resistance. keith doesn’t try though, not even for show. for all his protesting and teasing, it’s made even more obvious that this is something keith is basking in, by his lack of squirming. his laughter too. gosh, it takes so very little to have shiro beaming. just the sound of his best friend happy and then shiro is right there with him, chuckling, even as keith’s tapers off.

with the way they’ve landed, keith’s ass is cushioned against shiro’s abdomen. it’s nice. it’s comfortable. it’s – easy to ignore. but nothing in shiro’s life remains easy and soon enough, keith is shimmying down, shaking shiro’s shoulder and subsequently, jostling shiro to almost have him rocking his crotch up into that descending ass.

okay. perhaps shiro didn’t think this through. perhaps the boxers really would have been the better plan.

he cranes his hips backwards, giving keith plenty of room as he keeps shifting lower. throughout, he keeps his arms around him and meets his backward glance, smiling wide despite the heavy thump-thump of his heart. ]

You left me no choice.

[ shiro may be shying in some places but he isn’t when he pushes his face in close, chin brushing over keith’s shoulder once they're level with each other. ]

I’ve been trying to coax you into this bed for twenty minutes now, but you – [ a huffed laughed. ] – are exceptionally stubborn.

[ they've shared a cot and cuddled before, but not while keith's asscheeks were just hanging out. try as he might, it's just not possible to outright ignore the feel of shiro's abs as he shuffles down the bed. the only saving grace keith has here is that nervousness is at least keeping his dick well behaved. he falters, heart skipping errant beats as shiro presses in close, but it doesn't escape his notice that the lean is very top heavy. looks like shiro's staying clear of his ass, huh? leith laughs, torn between amused and shy. ]

You bandit.

[ he twists, turning his face more towards shiro. the teasing is accompanied by a ruffling of floof. ]

Don't drag me into your bed and act like it was my fault. Hehh. And all this time, you were the one going on about patience yields focus.

[ shiro sputters. he can’t decide between laughing and making an affronted sound to the floof attack, so he ends up doing both and – yeah, sputtering right in keith’s turned face. when he manages to stop doing that, he settles on the laughing part and laughs through a: ]

I was being patient!

[ throwing his favorite line in his face, that’s such a cheapshot, keith. that deserves a bit of punishment, which shiro will be handing out in the form of him tightening the lock of his arms and curling his body tighter, blanketing it fully along keith's, tucking him into shiro’s chest, abdomen, hips, thighs in the world’s comfiest, human cage. so much for keeping his hips back. ]

Doesn’t matter now, anyway. You’re here and you’re not thinking about leaving.

[ right? keith should be careful how he answers, because fingers curl underneath the hem of his tank top, ready to pinch. ]

[ the floof attack is glorious and keith is swept up in his own laughter simply because shiro is laughing as well. he isn't any less conscious of the realignemnt of shiro's body against his comparatively bare one though, and soon enough he feels that nervous flutter in his stomach again.

provoking shiro with teasing never goes without retaliation, and maybe this is just going to lead down a familiar path of mutual joy: wrestling. but keith can't help squirming slightly, pinching his thighs closed at the thought of his dick slipping out of the strip of fabric holding everything in.

a little pinker around the cheeks, keith nonetheless puts up a tiny show of reistance by wriggling an arm free to wrap fingers around shiro's wrist. ]

Is that your way of threatening to cuff me again?

[ is that tease flying too close to the sun? ]

[ and this is where there’s a bump in the road. shiro slams right into it and for a time, that easy camaraderie derails into shiro looking a little surprised, a little speechless, brain going static. ]

I…

[ – didn’t mean it like that?
– would never do that again?
– want to go back to pretending that never happened?

his body goes rigid in the indecisiveness for one beat, two beat, three. he’s carried quite a bit of guilt for that whole thing. the subsequent talks he’s had with keith have helped alleviate some of that feeling, but when it comes down to it, they’ve barely talked about it. not about shiro fishing out the cuffs. not about tricking keith into them. and definitely not about letting keith grind against him until he soiled his own pants. the instinctual response is to shy away, stay the course and keep things light, flirty, but restrained.

… but keith’s plastered against him, held tight and barely faking the effort of a fight. his senses are filled with him: the smell of him, the feel of him, the look of him flush pink, the… taste of him…?

not anymore. shiro’s gaze drops down, brief and fleeting, to keith’s mouth and then right back up, blurting out a: ]

I still have those cuffs. [ he blinks, not quite relaxing yet, but still following that line of thought. ] They worked pretty good last time. [ a beat, a slight easing of that surprised, slightly cagey look. ] Made you behave…

[ another beat and finally, a smile that’s tentatively teasing. ]

… Kinda.

[ there's a reason neither have them have bucked orthodoxy by bringing up that incident in any detail. keith remembers that reason the instant shiro goes rigid and awkward around him. flustering in turn, keith goes shy and ducks his chin.

honestly, he's not even sure what prompted the commentary in the first place. they'd been teasing each other and the handcuffs had been topical. but of course, the handcuffs are inextricably tied to ... the rest of keith's behavior that day. swallowing, keith presses his thighs tighter still.

part of him wants to ask why shiro even has a pair of handcuffs, but the answer seems obvious enough considering the paraphernalia activities has handed off to him as well. tragically, however, what keith ends up blurting is much much worse. ]

Do you uh... get a lot of people to behave like that?

[ so. to recap. shiro has keith in his bed. his bed that he specifically bought in order to get keith into it. in this very specifically purchased bed, the two of them are pressed tight together, minimal clothing involved. throughout this, they have been flirting and touching and hoping…

and now keith is asking about shiro’s sex life.

the smile wilts at shiro’s lips and his eyes go wider with surprise? confusion? mortification? perhaps a combination, with him leaning heavily into the confusion, because – what? ]

No…? [ he doesn’t know how to process the idea that keith thinks he might be a regular with the fuzzy-handcuff, kinky sex. ]

[ and once again, keith wishes he hadn't said anything at all. the lurch of iertia is almost physically painful as keith rounds his shoulders and turns his face away. ]

I didn't mean anything bad.. [ then, aborting the sentence mid-thought, keith winces and mutters: ] ... Sorry. I shouldn't have said anything. I wasn't thinking.

[ except maybe he was? because it's porn prison and shiro's been more adamant than any of the other paladins about completing sentences. deflating a little further, keith releases shiro's wrist. ]

.... I don't know where I'm going with this.

Edited 2022-07-19 23:44 (UTC)

[ ah. keith may have thrown shiro a curveball by bringing mention of other people into this bed, but shiro certainly butchered his delivery of an answer. shiro hates it when keith goes small and closed off, especially when he knows he’s the cause of that confidence loss.

they’re still wrapped up in each other, so keith letting go of his wrist and turning his face forward shouldn’t feel like a separation, but one, two, shiro’s breath locks up and he gives chase by craning toward keith, face ducking into one of those hunched shoulders, arms squeezing tight. ]

You don’t need to apologize. It’s fine.

[ fine; god, that sounds fake. he huffs into keith’s shoulder and tilts his face up, nose dragging and mouth bumping, briefly, against both skin and strap before he hooks his chin there. he exhales, sighing a soft sound, voice kind. ]

It’s… good to talk about these sorts of things.

[ frankly, "it's fine" does a poor job of reassuring keith of much, but the tightening of shiro's arms around him and further crowding into his space are both far more xonvinxing. at the very least, shiro isn't retreating and with keith's next exhale, the tension leaves his shoulders and he turns just enough to brush shiro's face cheek to cheek. ]

Do you...

[ want to? but the question dies in keith's mouth. does keith really want to talk about toji right now? this time, he flicks just his gaze away to look at the pillow. should he even really be caring about shiro's lovers?

a little hesitantly, keith places his hand ontop of shiro's. the touch is light, experimental and then he lets his hand flop onto the sheets. ]

... never mind. I don't know what I want. I want this.

[ does he…? shiro hangs on the words, anticipation and anxiety swirling in slow tandem inside his belly, giving rise to a childish urge to squirm. stubbornly, he staves off the desire and keeps still, waiting and waiting with his cheek resting to keith’s. he can’t see the moment keith flicks his gaze, but he feels the disengagement, something in the air shifting as keith touches his hand, only to drop it away shortly thereafter.

it feels a little like a rejection. or a failure, like shiro hasn’t provided keith an avenue to shed whatever burden is weighing him down. something’s off, something always seems to be when it comes to the two of them and this. but even with the hurdles and the setbacks – ]

I want this too.

[ he drops his hand from keith’s belly and pats once, twice at the bedding until he lays his hand right. his fingers curl around keith’s hand, resuming the grip that, in his mind, never should have left. gently, but with intention, he tilts his face against keith’s, holding pressure, cheek to cheek, and then shifting for a barely there, encouragement of a nuzzle. ]

So go on. Ask me what you need to ask me.

[ his gaze shifts first to their joined hands, before looking back to shiro's face. the smile comes reflexively, as does the subtle nuzzle back, but it only lasts as long as keith takes his mind off of trying to put words to the discontent he's feeling.

really, it's not even discontent towards shiro, is it? just for the circumstances and the expectations set in place that make it hard to know whether he even has a right to want some kind of assurance that they mean something more to each other than the trysts that aphrodisiac can induce.

but then again, what exactly is keith's excuse for going to see his anonymous if that's stopped being aphrodisiac induced a while ago? keith furrows his brow, slowly turning his hand, palm side up to interlace his fingers with shiro's. ]

I guess... I just want to know. Are you like this with other people? You know... like. Holding hands because even if it's not for credits and cuddling and stuff?

[ he squeezes briefly at shiro's hand, tone even and non accusatory. ]

Like with that guy. Toji.

[ that’s encouraging, too. it’s slow, sure, but keith does turn his wrist and fit his fingers in between shiro’s. shiro thinks he deserves that, the hesitation. he hasn’t been the greatest at verbalizing what it is he wants here, and truth be told, he thinks he still lacks a clear picture of what this is meant to become. all he knows, is that they’ve started down a path and while shiro may have initially balked at the idea of it, they’re too far along now for shiro to backtrack. he likes this. he likes holding keith. likes kissing him too, when he musters up the nerve to lean in and take it. which he hasn’t done in quite awhile, has he? he doesn’t get credit for the last one; that’s all on keith.

reflexively, he tightens his fingers for the hold, and consciously relaxes the frown now trying to overtake his expression. toji? who the hell is toji? shiro’s answer misses the obvious cue, only because he gets caught up in connecting the name to an identity. network. username 45. sentence sheet. right. of course shiro went back and looked up the name after… afterwards.

interesting – keith followed that conversation. that was fairly early on. why would he even care to…? did keith – even back then…? probably nothing more than simple curiosity of a best friend, huh? shiro sticks a pin in the curiosity for now and finally finds his voice. ]

No. I’m not like this with other people. [ funny, for all the grief shiro gave keith over his sentence sheet not having things like kissing and aftercare checked off, shiro hasn’t been the kindest with his partners either. ]

I’ve… [ fucked. ] – been with a few people here, yeah, but that’s physical. [ he can’t even say it’s been purely about the sheet, either. a few partners, yes, but some influenced by aphro and one… not. he thinks of anonymous and tries to justify those meetings, as always, coming up empty on an explanation other than he makes shiro feel good. free. wanted. they’re heady, addictive feelings, and as of yet, shiro has not weaned himself off of needing those highs.

he feels guilty for it and he’s not sure he should. still, it has him ducking his head and pressing a kiss to keith’s shoulder to combat the feeling, stating once he breaks away: ]

This isn’t that. [ he wrinkles his nose, the statement not sounding right. ] It’s not only that. This is… you know, because I care about you.

[ keith doesn't know what to think really. the confirmation that shiro has others doesn't come as any surprise -- not after that network post with toji and the one that followed it with questions about anal. quite plausibly, it's hypocritical and irrational to feel relieved to know that this tenderness isn't something shiro freely gives away to anyone he sleeps with, but there's a slow warmth radiating outwards from his chest at the thought.

keith shifts in shiro's arms, turning enough to make eye contact. it's entirely selfish, greedy even, to want intimacy with shiro that's only between them. arguably, it's not even feasible with the aphro that floods every crevice of this stupid place. moreover, keith isn't sure what he'd even write back to anonymous if the guy ever expressed interest in actually getting to know each other.

keith opens his mouth before having any idea of what he wants to say. words always get tangled and stuck at the worst of times, it seems. he breathes in, out, not looking away from shiro's face. ]

I think... hearing that makes me happy? I guess I just don't know what it means to ... be here and have those feelings, knowing you have other people you like being physical with too. [ a beat, then he swallows. ] ... and the same for me? I guess.

Edited 2022-07-21 22:35 (UTC)

[ the questioning inflection to hearing that makes me happy is not the strongest confidence booster. silently to himself, shiro can acknowledge that keith is, perhaps, a touch stunted when it comes to verbalizing. the weird thing though, is that shiro is beginning to realize that he is too. he’s always been so good at talking, from public speaking to team leading to one on one pep talks. conversations centered around himself though… – he should have learned from adam. they drifted apart, they wanted different things, sure, maybe the break-up is no one’s fault in the end, but looking back, shiro can see that he didn’t talk to adam like he should have. he should have opened up more, about his fears for the mission, his reservations for his body holding out, his needs to prove himself, his hopes for when he returned, for the both of them. maybe then adam would have understood the narrow-focus and the drive to keep pushing, to not slow down enough to doubt. maybe then adam would have stayed.

again, shiro wonders if there’s a meaning behind the photograph that’s hidden away in his locker. he mulls over the thought briefly, too brief to do anything with it, and then reminds himself to be open. the only way this is going to work is if they keep talking things through, because otherwise…? shiro thinks of the argument of a few weeks back, when assumptions piled high in his head the moment keith said he’d been with someone else.

there’s no escaping that. not here. there can be nothing conventional about them being together in a place like this. ]

If you’ve found other people who you’re comfortable being with and if that’s what you want… [ the words come together slowly. he’s working it out as he’s saying it, hoping that the conclusion is one they can both live with. ] … then it’s okay. I don’t… [ he furrows his brow and wets his lips, pausing for a brief moment to gather his thoughts. ] I’m not asking you to stop.

[ he’s trying to be rational. he still stands by his push to finish their sentence sheets, especially when escape attempts keep going haywire. he would suggest, maybe, working through their sheets together but… shiro’s track record isn’t the greatest. he can’t even check off kissing for keith.

he breathes out a soft sound, self-berating and worn as he rubs his fingers against keith’s hand, occasionally tightening for a squeeze. ]

But it’s a little hard to stomach, to be honest. [ he laughs, just to off-set how pathetic this makes him sound. ] I’m used to being your favorite and receiving all the special treatment.

You're not gonna ask me to stop?

[ the question slips out of keith against better judgment, his regret made all the more obvious by the grimace barely a beat later. ]

I mean... [ what does he mean? and why the fuc is he vaguely disappointed? keith bites the inside of his lip, taking a deep breath. the thing is ... keith's experience with sharing intimacy prior to this prison facility is nonexistent. what he knows about relationships and dating is that they're conventionally monogamous. and frankly, despite knowing other configurations of relationships exist, keith isn't entirely sure if that's even right for him.

hell, he's still figuring out if sex is right for him. anonymous makes him think he wants it -- and maybe even wants it a lot, but part of that surely has to do with the fact that there aren't any expectations outside of their trysts.

but perahps he's getting completely sidetracked. shiro doesn't want to ask him to stop, which implicitly suggests that shiro himself doesn't want to stop and doesn't want what they have to be what keith honestly thinks of when he imagines a boyfriend.

boyfriend. right. that's a forbidden word if there ever wer, huh? keith banishes it from thought with a mental headshake then clears his throat. ]

... I guess that's how it has to be. Place messes with everyone so. [ so. he sighs, squeezing shiro's hand. ] ... But I don't like this.

[ because of course shiro is his favorite person, and for better or for worse, keith doesn't know how to not be loyal. porn prison's starting to erode that though, and keith flushes with a mix of shame and embarrassment. ]

... but I know I can't be everything for you.

[ and maybe neither can shiro for him? discontent simmers. ]

[ should… he ask keith to stop? hearing the incredulity fired back at him gives him pause. shiro’s got a jealous streak. he’s a little possessive, too. this is the same man who got huffy over keith giving up his ass to another man after asking shiro to do the honors. he’s also the man who stooped low and ran petty over a dog. space wolf, whatever. the thing is – shiro is highly attached to not only being important in keith’s life, but to being his person. the one he turns to, the one he confides in, the one he depends on, the one he favors; unsurprising, really, considering shiro’s always gunned to be the best at galaxy garrison. that competitive nature, unfortunately, bleeds into other aspects of his life, making him highly protective of the privileges he’s managed to attain by sticking it out with keith all these years.

so if he thought he could swing it? yeah, he’d ask keith to stop. seems a bit unfair though, huh? to ask keith to stop when shiro himself is still highly attached to his library pen-pal.

it doesn’t matter. whether or not shiro would be able to shake the tiny, barely there affection he has growing for anonymous doesn’t matter, because monogamy isn't possible here to begin with. ]

If we weren’t dodging aphro on the daily or stuck with these sheets…

[ he trails off, frowning. a tick goes by and then he sighs, pushing himself up and untangling. not entirely, but enough for him to get an arm to the bedding, propping himself up so he can lean and look down at keith’s face. ]

You’re enough, Keith.

[ if they were home, in their reality… then what? again with the what-ifs and just as before, shiro doesn’t have an ending to it, because truth be told, if they were back, what would shiro do? what would this keith’s shiro do? promise monogamy? are they even from the same reality? if they are, they aren’t together there, even though keith is further into the future… so does that make keith right? is these feelings only happening because they're in this situation? at the end of the day, are they not everything for each other?

he hates thinking that. he hates it so much. so he cuts that line of thinking and tries to keep his expression from completely disintegrating into something too pensive, too hard to look upon. ]

But we are where we are. And I’m trying to be… realistic. [ a barely there grimace at the word, his top lip curling back just so. ] There are going to be other people… but not like you. [ he already said this, but some things need to be repeated. ] The way I am with other people isn’t how I am with you. Or how I want to be with you.

[ shiro shifts, angling up to give keith a clear look at his face. not wholly consciously, keith shifts as well, scooting to occupy the space beneath his best friend.

enough.

funny. keith's never been an overachiever once in his life. sure, he'd been protecctive over his status as the best cadet of his class, but even that title hadn't meant much when shiro was no longer around to grab his shoulder and ruffle his hair with all the pride in the world. enough. it's a bitter word to hear coming from shiro. keith's never wanted to be enough to shiro -- no, for shiro he wants to aim for the fucking stars.

but of course, as shiro says, that's not "realistic." again, another word that seems out of place for their tumultuous friendship. time and time again, they've been forcibly separated, then reunited. shiro's been dead, then brought back from the depths of black's consciousness. it would have been realistic of keith to give up on shiro for dead so many times and yet ....

fuck, is porn prison really the place where "realistic" suddenly means something? or is rejecting that just set up for an inevitable crash and burn of disappointment? or does all of that not even fucking matter at this point because the fact of the two of them being space-time anomalies who are only together because of some unrealistic fuckery to begin with makes all of this pointless to agonize over?

he looks up then at his best friend, raising a hand to cup his cheek. the smile that tugs at his lips is a little fragile, but sincere. after all, isn't it kind of a fucked up but beautiful thing to get to touch his best friend's real face here, when he never got the chance to touch him tenderly before? ]

Good.

[, he laughs, and it's a quiet, soft thing that's more exhale than amusement. ]

So come down here and kiss me.

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