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[earthshine]

« Shiro »
[ TEXT + AUDIO + VIDEO + ACTION ]

Hi, this is Shiro.
Sorry I'm unavailable at the moment,
but leave a message and I'll get back to you as soon as I can.

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[marmoron]

[ the concerned look on keith's face stays exactly as until shiro drops the polite brush off and actually gives keith an answer. though keith had been entirely sincere in saying that he doesn't want to avoid anything that shiro's troubled by, he knows the guy carries a lot of demons and he doesn't have the confidence to say he can definitively make anything better.

keith's gaze never leaves shiro's face, but his expression softens with comprehension. as predicted, keith really doesn't know what to say to that. insofar that him and lance have ever talked about the team in that first month when it was just the two of them, they'd both agreed everyone else needed to be back in their reality. certainly the way the others are acting now, keith wouldn't be convinced any of them necessarily miss being a team. miss flying, maybe. miss home, definitely. but the actual team and the purpose the war gave them? keith couldn't say, but probably not.

but taking the focus off of the others, does keith himself miss voltron? "miss" is a tricky word. keith has unfinished business that he wants to see through to the end, but there's sentimental value here that fits a little like a shoe on the wrong foot. keith swallows, drawing a slow circle on the small of shiro''s back. ]

You know nobody can take away everything you've accomplished from you. Or your purpose. You're not AA0021 -- no matter how hard they try. You're Shiro and the leader of Voltron. That'll be true even when the war's won and over.

[earthshine]

[ nobody can take away his accomplishments – like galaxy garrison took away his legacy and dragged his name through the mud? and his purpose? these aliens have. he’s the imagined figurehead of a team that is fragmented at best and disbanded at worst. what about aa0021? the galra had a title for him too. champion. that followed him, even with him far away from the arena and the forced bloodlust. sendak called him a broken soldier and sometimes, shiro thinks he’s right. there is no reclaiming of his past self. too many pieces have been carved away and rese into something ugly and unrecognizable.

voltron helped. voltron was the ultimate distraction. five paladins, five lions, and two alteans equipped with a castleship against an intergalactic empire was, truth be told, a pending death sentence. shiro thrived on the impossible odds of winning though. pouring the last shreds of himself into that singular goal kept him on a straight and narrow; not one necessarily to recovery, but a line to salvation. he could become something worthy and just again: shed golden boy and champion, and fit himself with a paladin of voltron. nothing trumps that, right?

but now he’s aa0021. he doesn’t even have his paladin armor here. he has nothing to tie him to who he’d been before. not until he finishes his sentence; not until the others finish their sentences first, actually. then they’ll go home and…

win?

he tries to enjoy the twirling of keith’s fingers, but he’s tense with uncertainty, his mood nowhere high enough to match the smile he forces. ]

Do you really believe that?

[ shiro’s the one with the pep talks and the optimistic speeches. it’s nice, he supposes, to hear keith take over. ]

That we’ll make it out? That we’ll actually win?

[marmoron]

[ keith blinks. of course, they've all questioned this at some point or another, but shiro's never been the one to give voice to that doubt. as disconcerting as that is, it's also real, isn't it? keith would never say that shiro's pep talks didn't come from a sincere place, but the fact that he's sharing his doubts is oddly reassuring. whether it's appropriate or not, keith actually relaxes, bumping his forehead lightly to shiro's jaw as he lets out a soft: ]

Heh. We can make it through anything.

[ there are plenty of reasons not to think so. after all, his shiro did die at the conclusion of their battle with zarkon. but he also managed to rescue his shiro from within the black lion's consciousness with allura's aid. it's not the most optimistic of motivations, but it does give keith reason to believe that yes, they can make it out. ]

Can't promise we won't get a little more banged up on the way there, but ... we've got each other to keep things going in the right direction. Never giving up on each other, remember?

[earthshine]

[ the optimism is expected. of course keith isn’t going to cut shiro down and say no, he doesn’t believe there’s a victory waiting for them at the end of this. that’s not the part that comforts shiro. it’s the way in which keith frames it: never giving up on each other. the strain around his eyes and his mouth relaxes, the whole of his expression softening from the rush of gratitude, hope, affection.

this close, all it takes is a slight angling of his chin and a puff of exhale for his breath to fan across keith’s bangs. pushing his hand up then, he weaves his fingers into keith’s hair, cupping the back of his skull. ]

Yeah. [ and a softer: ] I remember.

[ he’s smiling, though with the angle, it’s solely for himself. that is until he nudges his face closer and pushes that smile to keith’s forehead. the kiss lands on both skin and hair, but shiro is unbothered by his miscalculated aim, lingering for a solid three beats before pulling back with a soft sound. ]

Thanks, Keith. [ it might be a simple, even inadequate response, but it’s heartfelt. ] It’s easier to believe it… hearing you say it.

[marmoron]

[ part of the reason keith hadn't wanted to be leader is the fact that he's never been gifted with words. he can't be trusted to come up with motivational speeches on the fly or recite anything to drump up the will to fight against impossible odds. of course, he meant what he said sincerely, but even so he's still not sure if shiro is so easily reassured.

the press of lips to his forehead at least eases some of that uncertainty in keith's head, but it also makes him laugh inadvertently. who's soothing who? unbelievable. he peeks up, shifting until they're back to seeing eye to eye literally, like that might accomplish the same metaphorically. ]

Hey. You can tell me you're not convinced. I can take it. I'm a big boy, you know.

[ he grins, this time leaning in to press their foreheads together, hand firm on shiro's back. ]

I just... I know there's nothing I can say that'll really take your mind off of everything going on in your head. All I want is for you to know that you really don't have to be alone in it. It's like you said, we're a team. Voltron or not, even if it's just the two of us, we're together.

[earthshine]

[ shiro, too, is a Big Boy and as a Big Boy often lies when it comes to doubt and feeling. so no, he will not keep down this road. he took a few baby steps; they felt good and he feels good now too… but he’s done, only allowing himself the comfort of keith’s last reassurances before cutting himself off. hand still cupping the back of keith’s skull, shiro keeps keith close. ]

Yeah. [ he smiles with the word, relief touching his voice. ] We’re together. As a team and… as something else, too.

[ boyfriends comes to mind but such titles feel presumptions. friends with benefits is the next one, but that doesn’t sound right either. they’re somewhere in the middle, undefined. that’s okay though, being their own thing; their relationship has always been unique and unconventional, might as well keep the streak going. he untangles his fingers and smoothes his hand down keith’s nape along his spine. ]

A something that comes with you staying over more often, so we can work on our spooning and kissing, both of which are very important to our something-building.

[ something-building, like team-building, get it? he doesn’t mean to make jokes after a heart-to-heart, it’s just learned deflection. it’s habit. before the moment can settle and start eating away at him for showing his vulnerabilities, he has to change the mood. so excuse him, for smiling and teasing, like he hadn’t been talking about doubting victory and survival three minutes ago.

they’re already close. shiro’s voice continues to drop with each word, eyelids drooping. ]

Actually, we were doing that… [ he angles his face and brushes in. ] … Wanna…?

[ if there’s a response, shiro swallows it up by pressing his mouth to keith’s. that’s how they spend the rest of the evening. trading kisses and kissing more – or deeper, depending on who is asked – both boys have pink, kiss-swollen lips by the time they relax into an easy embrace, both settling in for a good night’s rest. however, they do not, in fact, practice their spooning, which is why keith will wake up to a hand on his ass, fingers clutching one cheek. ]