⊚ noctium ic contact.

[earthshine]

« Shiro » TEXT ✧ AUDIO ✧ VIDEO ✧ ACTION Takashi Shirogane ✦ Voltron: Legendary Defender
RESIDENCE ✦ Emerald District Apartment #51
JOB ✦ Gembond Guardian
GEMBOND ✦ Sapphire

Hi, this is Shiro. Sorry I'm unavailable at the moment, but leave a message and I'll get back to you as soon as I can.

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voice; un: shiro // LOL you're ttly fine.

[earthshine]

[ he wonders when -- or if -- he’ll stop feeling guilt every time he talks to allura. keith’s given him the rundown. allura’s back. she’s still behind but she knows who they are. she’s concerned about him and yes, she’s sore about those months of omitted truth. that should have been his cue to message her but instead, he again let her down by waiting it out and letting her come to him.

he frowns and dismisses such thoughts, refocusing his attention. ]

Yeah. Was worried about you though. [ especially with how things were left. he felt worse about it the next day; so frustrated with himself that he’d returned back to the apartment with keith the night of the bonfire, rather than trying to find allura. he’d thought she’d appreciate some space and time to process. that added with how shiro couldn’t control any sort of filter… he’d taken the easier route of letting keith herd him home.

so yeah. he’s beginning to think he’s set himself up for always feeling some level of shame when it comes to allura. he clears his throat and tries to keep his voice void of such notes though. concerned, yet friendly. ]

How’s it feel to be back?

[quintessent]

[Was worried about you. Allura knows this conversation isn't going to be guilt-free although she didn't expect it to hit so suddenly. It's foolish, to avoid Shiro of all people. More than anyone else on the team, she trusted him to keep a level head and approach everything pragmatically. But it's that same admiration that makes it difficult to approach when she feels like she messed up.

She continues, keeping her voice steady, like they've been conversing amicably this whole time,]

It feels. Strange? I didn't have any memories of this place while I was home, but once I returned it all came back rather quickly.

[It's made time management a little bit of a challenge, dealing with several phoebes passing for her while it was only a movement or so for her friends. But it's starting to balance out more.

Sucking in a breath, she meters it out slowly.]

I feel as though I owe you an apology.

[earthshine]

[ didn’t have her memories of this place. oh. that’s… not what he wants to hear. it’s not overly common, but there’s enough of a revolving cycle that it’s a well established fact that gembonded come an’ go. at any given point, he can be sent back to their reality. he gets that. fully accepts it. but up until, well, right now, he figured he’d remember his time here. it’s a tough pill to swallow because although going back has always been a necessity in his mind, there’s fear embedded in that responsibility. he’s dead there. he will return to being nothing; just a stray soul locked in purgatory, forced to watch from the sidelines as his friends suffer.

he thought he’d at least have this to remember. but he won’t, which also means… keith won’t. keith, who swears up an’ down that he’ll save shiro somehow, some way. if he doesn’t remember where shiro is though…

doesn’t matter. it was a pipedream. he made peace with his death ages ago, he can do it again. but acxa says... -- but it's difficult to trust that too much. as long as keith escapes the clone fiasco in one piece and manages to get back in time to help the team, then that’s all that really matters. wrapping up such dismal thoughts nice an’ neat like, he saves them for another time and refocuses on the mention of apology.

a beat of misplaced amusement catches him then and he’s weary on it, finding something exasperating, yet humorous about her being the one to apologize. ]

You’re only allowed to apologize if I get to too. [ not that he’s going to let her beat him to the punch. ]

I know I dropped the ball here. [ do alteans use this idiom? excuse shiro, he’s busy sighing. ] And I’m sorry that it turned out the way it did, Princess.

[quintessent]

[He laughs and she feels a strange relief twisted in just more anxiety. It's not a conversation either of them want, but it's better now that it's started.]

I don't think any balls were dropped. [Fortunately she doesn't linger here to let anyone giggle about that phrasing, said in total seriousness.] You were making the best choice that you knew to make at the time. I can't say that I would have done anything differently.

[Is the diplomatic answer. One that she's thought a lot about and if her words sound rehearsed it's because they are.]

I can't say that I would have taken it any better had you told me the news outright. [Said with a small, humorless laugh.] But... it was very lonely for a time.

[The words come out without really thinking - honest although conflicted. She understands but that didn't make it easy in the present or in retrospect.]

I should have just asked outright. I knew that Keith was hiding something, I just didn't know what it could be.

[earthshine]

[ note to self: do not use earth phrases when conversing with allura. though, the straight, no nonsense answer is endearing, as much of allura so often is. she moves on quickly and shiro is two steps behind, slow to follow because he finds himself stuck on a potent i missed you before he pulls himself back together. she’s being generous. diplomatic. it’s expected and shiro admires that about her; how she can be empathetic and forgiving, even when she has every right to take her punches.

she does manage one though. slight as it may be, shiro feels it all the same and grimaces there by himself, hunched over his device. another apology is heavy on his tongue. he isn’t certain it would improve anything though and he swallows it back as he looks for a different angle. funny: keith so often has shiro’s back. he’s not even here and yet, he’s going to save shiro in a different way.

shiro focuses on the name and runs with it, putting some levity into his voice to help dredge them up from the should haves and would haves. ]

So Keith was the giveaway. He’ll love hearing his poker face is terrible. [ one tick. oh wait. what did he just tell himself not to do? ]

Er. Poker… it’s a card game. [ that… still doesn’t explain the face comment, does it? he exhales. ] Nevermind.

[ a brief pause and then a more tentative: ] But speaking of Keith… he mentioned you might have questions. [ another beat. ] Specifically about me. [ there’s a strengthening of his voice here, conviction and determination having him sound more sure of himself. ]

I don’t want you to feel alone again. Because you’re not. I’m here for you. [ this time. always. he’s so sorry. ] So if you need to ask… it’s okay.

[quintessent]

[Even if she's not on audio, there's a palpable pause that Shiro can probably imagine Allura tilting her head, making sense of the phrase poker face and deciding that the context that it is a card game does nothing to clear up the confusion. But that's fine. It's comfortingly normal to be endeared and confused by her friends lingo, and it makes it feel as though the space that had been carved between them wasn't so large as it felt. They were all from strange, disjointed points in time, but they were still friends in the end, weren't they?

Then the topic switches to Shiro and she feels an ache in her chest. How strange that he's the one comforting her when the question swirling in her mind is whether or not he's dead in the world she'll return to someday. They're questions she fears, but fears being left in the dark even more.

There's a long pause, before,] Where did you go? After that fight with Zarkon?

[She doesn't say the word dead because she doesn't want to think about that possibility. Not when she could hear Shiro's voice so clearly in her ears right now.]

[earthshine]

[ ah. of course. seems like the logical place to start. he suspected as much and yet, even with the heads up from keith, shiro isn’t fully prepared with a rehearsed answer waiting in the wings. he’s been through this once before though and arguably, keith is the tougher, more daunting one out of the two, so…

he closes his eyes, steeling himself and then huffs out a breath, leaning into a slump against the couch. ]

I never left the Black Lion. [ simple. it’s a slight easing into the inevitable, because while allura may not want to say it, shiro has no such qualm in stating facts. ]

I died. [ a beat. and then right back to softening the blow. ] But... Black saved me. I don’t know why but he kept my soul in his consciousness. [ he’s had nothing but time to debate an answer to that. obviously, his connection to black is -- was -- strong enough to have black wanting to shelter him. but there has to be a reason beyond that. is there an end goal? does black know something shiro doesn’t? what’s the point of keeping his spirit alive if there’s no further purpose on the horizon for him?

because so far? he’s been altogether useless to black, to the team and to the universe. ]

I’ve been trying to keep tabs on the team but… my ability to help is pretty limited.

[quintessent]

[I died is an answer she was anticipating and yet it hits her like a blow to the gut. Guilt that she'd already considered the possibility, sorrow that she was right. All at once she wishes she would have gone to have this conversation with Shiro in person – although maybe that would be worse. To look him in the eye while he talks so casually, and so bravely about his own death.

(There’s the detail about Black keeping is consciousness that sticks in her mind as something important. For more than just the obvious relief that Shiro is somewhere, somehow alive. It just hasn’t made it the rest of the way around to considering that the same could have happened to her father, or to Zarkon for that matter.)]

I’m sorry. [The words come out awkwardly, like she’s not sure what ones fit best here. A huff of breath as she recollects herself.] I don’t… There are still many mysteries surrounding the lions that even I don’t understand. But when I return. We will find a way to free you. One way or another.

[earthshine]

[ no you won’t slips into his thoughts, quiet and brutal. acxa’s reality is a huge question mark, so it’s difficult for shiro to reference it too much for hope; all he knows is that from what he’s seen, no team is looking for him. understandable, he supposes, when there’s something wearing his face and issuing orders in his voice. he hates that there’s resentment every time he thinks of that. the feeling is slight and nothing with any strength to tarnish the way he values everyone of team voltron but… no one noticed. no one saw anything indistinguishable between him and the clone. there had to be something to set them apart. shiro only saw glimpses from black but the erratic leadership should have been more concerning, right?

not their fault. in their shoes, shiro would have likely fallen for the act too. they were scared and stressed, ( briefly ) mourning a loss while shuffling lions around and trying to relearn how to be a team. maybe they didn’t want to see anything wrong in this new shiro, in fear of ushering in more destabilization. ]

I know you’ll try your best. [ and do what they think is right. he opens his eyes and stares up at the ceiling, briefly mulling over the idea of simply telling her. about the clone and about how keith says that thing may have successfully destroyed the team. but the prospect is quickly abandoned. memories from here to there don’t carry over, so what purpose is there in unloading that on her? it’ll only confuse her. sounds a lot like his justification of keeping his identity secret from her the first time around.

nonetheless, he keeps quiet about the clone, having no real desire to talk about it. instead, he settles on a different cautioning. ]

It’s going to be difficult, the coming phoebs in our universe. It’s important that the six of you watch out for each other. [ she won’t remember -- he keeps reminding himself that but maybe some, small part of him hopes at least this will stick somehow. ] Keith takes it especially hard… so promise me you’ll keep an eye on him for me?

[quintessent]

[She's not all that good at reading into tone, but she can't help but notice the careful way Shiro walks around agreeing that she'll succeed. And why not, she doesn't exactly have a stellar track record for throwing into situations and coming out successful in the end. On the Galra cruiser, it was Shiro who had to come and fix her mistakes. Even in the fight with Zarkon, they walked away from it one man down.

She was nothing like her father.

But he's moving on and she stamps back the self-effacing feelings, blinking a few times to focus on his words. There's a small laugh on her side, mostly humorless but some of the tension bleeds out of her voice nevertheless.]

I will do my best but I'm not sure that Keith wants me to watch over him. We don't often see eye to eye. I'm afraid he might blame me for... [Your death.] Bringing all of you into this.