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« Shiro »
[ TEXT + AUDIO + VIDEO + ACTION ]

Hi, this is Shiro.
Sorry I'm unavailable at the moment,
but leave a message and I'll get back to you as soon as I can.

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[ perhaps it's the words themselves, or the way they're spoken, or some weird twist of lance's imagination, but his initial reaction is to launch himself into a panic. keith had told him before that this was actual shiro and not the other one, but the memory of being snapped at by the clone is still enough that the tone makes him flinch. maybe he shouldn't have said anything at all... or at least waited for an answer before launching into an explanation. ]

You're mad. [ or upset, or frustrated, or any other myriad of emotional responses that aren't necessarily good. ] I wasn't- I didn't...

[ this is worse than the responses to his admittedly over-the-top flirting or his usual antics in general, and even though the man's tone has changed, lance is pretty sure that he's in trouble. somehow. in one way or another.

just breathe. think. consider the words carefully, mentally translate what he wants to say beforehand so that he doesn't say the wrong thing, and don't dig himself any deeper into a hole than he already has. ]

I didn't say that. [ his own voice is quiet, without his usual exuberance behind it. this is serious business to him, and he's treating it as such. ] I said I don't know what to do. We made a promise back when it was just the two of us that we'd do we'd do whatever we had to to get out of here, and that we weren't leaving each other behind. Then that happened, and it wasn't like either of us had ever--

[ the way shiro clarifies it -'slept as in not sleeping'- it immediately throws a red flag that lance hadn't considered before. well fuck. ]

He didn't tell you, did he?

[ that thing about not digging himself deeper? he's pretty sure that he should be reaching the center of the planet right about now. yep, he's dead. shiro's probably going to kill him, and if shiro doesn't then keith will for ratting them out. ]

[ is he mad? disappointed, more like. it’s hypocritical of him, perhaps; afterall, he’s the one who’s been spewing encouragements from the beginning, that they all need to buckle down and get through their sentences. it makes sense to look within the team. they all trust each other and are certainly safe with one another. so he gets it; logical, practical shiro gets it. it’s boyfriend shiro who doesn’t.

because keith and him are that now, you know? or not, because it’s new and they’ve largely been keeping it under wraps that they are trying for some semblance of a relationship in a place where exclusivity is an impossibility. they know that, have accepted it, too. so he has no right to be upset or disappointed or whatever, especially over something that happened before he was even here.

and yet, he keeps rounding back to the fact that with all these months spent, keith didn’t clue him in on the fact that he lost his virginity to lance…? that lance lost his to keith? why does that make him feel weird? it’s an honesty thing. it’s the principle of the matter. even that’s hypocritical of him, because he sure as hell hasn’t been upfront with keith about all the things he’s done here, either.

still, shiro is, unfortunately, not the prime example of maturity in every aspect of life. here, he’s sour and a touch petulant, simply stating: ]

No. He did not.

[ somehow, he's not surprised. it's something that keith probably wanted to forget about, something they'd only done to survive because otherwise it meant trusting a complete stranger from the start, and here he is possibly screwing things up for the guy by blurting it out to shiro. do they make cards for this? an apology fruit basket? should he give keith his bayard so that when he and shiro get home, they're not short one? though, maybe he should give them his armor as well so they're not short that either... ]

He probably didn't say anything because he didn't think it was important.

[ if shiro needs someone to be direct his mood toward, lance would rather it be him than see him turn it on keith. for some reason, having the man upset with keith just feels wrong. ]

Look, it was my fault, okay? I'm the one that got spooked because somebody actually replied and wanted to take advantage of the situation. He was just trying to help. I mean, it's Keith. He wouldn't have done it otherwise, we both know that.

[ they hadn't spoken to one another for a while after it happened -namely because lance had actively tried to avoid him out of guilt for making keith waste first times on him- and it wasn't as if they weren't talking to each other now, but the guilt had left a mark on him. he wants to see the others get home, wants them to make it out of bob's hands and back to earth, wants them to be happy... even if he's pretty much resigned himself to staying here until either whoever runs the joint gets bored of toying with him or the others remember he's here and figure out how to liberate the planet. somewhere in his mind, he's come to the conclusion that maybe he deserves to be here after all.

...because if given the choice to go back and change things, he wouldn't, and if given the chance, he'd agree to it again. and not just with keith.

how is it that he's faced angry galra, angry alternate-world alteans, and countless other things without flinching too badly, and yet it's sort-of-facing the man who's been his hero for ages that has lance wondering if allura shouldn't have left him be after that shield explosion? anger, he can handle, even if it stings, but disappointment is something else entirely. ]

... 'm sorry. I wasn't trying to upset you or anything...

[ possible. it’s entirely possible that keith didn’t think it was important enough to tell. or that it isn’t any of shiro’s business to know. likely the second one, which, despite shiro’s huffiness, he can admit to being a valid take. it's not a big deal in the grand scheme of things. it’s a one hook-up in a multitude of hook-ups, one that happened when shiro wasn’t even around to be a concern.

… unless it wasn’t just a one time thing. it sounds like a one time thing, but rationality takes a back seat to suspicion and shiro replays lance saying firsts. still applicable to one night together, but then he’s thinking about keith, shortly after shiro’s arrival, wanting to try bottoming. shiro hadn’t taken him up on the offer until days later and by then, keith had already given that first away. now, keith says he only ever bottoms to someone he trusts. so who would it have been? barely a month into prison life and keith had found someone he trusted enough to bend over for? who if not lance?

does it matter? all this time later, does it actually matter?

shiro hedges on answering his own question, genuinely uncertain of where he stands on the issue. all in all, it’s the sorry that has him hearing what’s being said, attention sharpening once more. ]

No. [ barely any hesitation on that front. disappointed or not at being left out of the loop, shiro, at least, recognizes that he’s being a lousy friend. he isn’t immune to guilt and here, it finds him to soften his voice. ] No, I’m sorry, Lance.

[ over the line, there’s the sound of him drawing a heavy breath, one that’s exhaled on a sigh. more and more, he sounds more like his predictable, accepting self, albeit a little worn around the edges. ]

You came to me with a question and I’m focusing on the wrong thing.

It's fine. [ the words come out a little too quick, but it can't be helped. ] I mean, I probably deserve it.

[ if he hadn't been so panicked over potentially losing his virginity to a stranger, keith never would have called him out to the pool, and they never would've ended up at keith's place, and nothing ever would've happened between them. but he'd been downright terrified... and all for naught. all koro had wanted was for him to tell him stories about home. nothing had happened at all, and he didn't have it in him to tell keith because he didn't want the guy to be mad at him over it. ]

Maybe it'd be best if I just... set the whole thing back to 'denial' and we just pretend this never happened?

[ it's his go-to for avoiding uncomfortable situations, and although it hasn't really done him any good, it also hasn't failed him much either. well, except for the part where internalizing it may not be the best idea out there, but he doesn't have a better plan. trying to talk things out had only ended with him focusing on what happened and not himself because he's never taken the time to think about it. it's easier to rehash a concrete than ponder the intangible.

of course, while he might be able to ignore this, it doesn't mean that shiro would be able to. it's always touchier when there's another person involved, and in this case, there's another two. ]

I'll even let you off the hook with answering. Just... promise me that at least one of you is gonna get home? Preferably both of you? 'Cause Keith already said he doesn't wanna be stuck with me for eternity, so I'd feel really bad if either of you ended up stuck here with me, y'know?

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giving people a crisis casually is one of his hidden talents.

rip lance... good luck w keith

poor shiro...

POOR LANCE. shiro's just being ridiculous

ridiculousness is a dish best served like fruitcake: rewrapped and regifted