[ no. it’s not okay. and no, there is no guarantee that nobody will hurt him again. as the pattern shows, the universe is rather set on ensuring that shiro continue to be battered around, physically and perhaps more so, mentally. he hates this, though: doubting keith in the midst of the boy’s reassurances. truthfully, the doubt doesn’t come as readily as it would otherwise, because just as the universe is dependable in torturing shiro, keith is dependable in being there to counteract it. keith takes care of him, more than any best friend or boyfriend is expected to. the list of reasons as to why shiro values, cares, adores this boy is so long that shiro is close to saying it’s endless, but near the top of that list–? yeah, keith’s willingness to be shiro’s rock throughout every high-risk situation and throughout every breakdown of shiro’s psyche, is right up there, humbling shiro into heart pangs that have him recognizing that he can never fully repay this boy.
which is the steadying thought he latches onto in order to pull himself out of his spiral. he’s burdened keith enough. just because keith is willing, doesn’t mean shiro needs to milk that care for everything it’s worth. pull it together, compartmentalize, deal with this later, always later – he repeats the orders to himself, over and over in a loop, trying to focus beyond the comforting nestle of keith’s chest. gosh, he just wants to stay here. can’t he stay here?
no.
he tenses in keith’s arms, head lifting, marginally, from its hiding place, both from his hand and against keith. footsteps. shiro’s opinion for himself continues to crash, both unforgiving and embarrassed by not only his show of weakness, but his continued inability to recognize how dire their situation can become. this is neither the time nor the place to fall apart. keith is of a similar mind, the boy amending his earlier statement and then rerouting them to a goal of shiro’s cube. ]
Okay. [ one word and somehow, it sounds labored, like just breathing through it is exhausting to shiro. he clears his throat and starts detangling himself from keith, trying again for a slightly more firm. ] Okay.
[ mind made up but body slow to follow, shiro delays them in his climb to his feet. keith is there, of course, willing to help steady him to legs that ache through the knees and threaten to buckle. he hasn't gained twenty pounds out of thin air, but he feels heavier; slowed and disjointed in this body that worked so efficiently the moment he gave into instinct, but now can't seem to remember how to do the simplest of tasks. none of this would matter if it weren't for the sounds echoing down the tunnel, first as footsteps, then as shuffling goods, and finally… a crash?
shiro winces violently, anxiety skyrocketing and body locking up, that it's a wonder he doesn't collapse down to the grating again. surely he would have, if it weren't for keith's continued support. half led and half by his own volition, shiro starts down the opposite way of the noises, giving the murdered remains a quick glance as they both pass. if he wasn't brittle from a deteriorating mental state, he would think to check the bodies over for clues as to what the fuck it is, where it came from, what it wanted, anything, because they won't be getting another chance. once the sentries and deputies come across the scene, they'll clean it up, as though nothing ever happened.
though, maybe that's for the best? how deep does shiro's curiosity go? further now, shiro faintly recognizes where they are; not enough to lead them out, but it settles, a little, that adrift feeling that has him perpetually feeling lost. the sweet, flowery scent is different, though. he doesn't remember that. fast moving from the broken shipment to the vents to the circling air, the potpourri fragrance comes out surprisingly strong. shiro's steps slow after the second lungful and then stop completely be the fourth. he doesn't say anything. he recognizes that it's strange that he says nothing, yet he blinks slow and stares after keith, uncomprehending and distanced for the fifth breath.
it truly is fast moving, because it floods shiro's system in a way that is beyond logic. the apprehensive tension that's been coloring his expression? gone. replaced, instead, by hazy, softened eyes and a quirk to his mouth that reads fond. ]
See… I knew it. You’re so pretty when you’re leadering.
[ that is definitely not what shiro's been saying all this time when he first started pushing for keith to take over as voltron leader. i like it when you're bossy, is closer, but this isn't that either. this is shiro easing into shy flirtation at the most inappropriate time, peeling back metaphorical layers. ]
You’re so good, Keith. I don’t tell you that enough. [ true. very true. ] You take care of me. Always.
[ wasn't he just telling himself not to depend so heavily on keith? to pull himself together and not lean on that care? the sudden acceptance of such selfishness doesn't alarm shiro, for he lacks the self-awareness to recognize it. so he steps closer, body buzzing all the way to his fingertips, which reach for and clutch at keith forearm with both hands. ]
I wanna feel safe. [ pleading now, he gives keith's arm a shake. ] You make me feel safe. Especially when you put your arms around me and hold me close. There’s nowhere I feel safer than in your arms. I never want to leave them.
the potential for cute aus is strong w them
which is the steadying thought he latches onto in order to pull himself out of his spiral. he’s burdened keith enough. just because keith is willing, doesn’t mean shiro needs to milk that care for everything it’s worth. pull it together, compartmentalize, deal with this later, always later – he repeats the orders to himself, over and over in a loop, trying to focus beyond the comforting nestle of keith’s chest. gosh, he just wants to stay here. can’t he stay here?
no.
he tenses in keith’s arms, head lifting, marginally, from its hiding place, both from his hand and against keith. footsteps. shiro’s opinion for himself continues to crash, both unforgiving and embarrassed by not only his show of weakness, but his continued inability to recognize how dire their situation can become. this is neither the time nor the place to fall apart. keith is of a similar mind, the boy amending his earlier statement and then rerouting them to a goal of shiro’s cube. ]
Okay. [ one word and somehow, it sounds labored, like just breathing through it is exhausting to shiro. he clears his throat and starts detangling himself from keith, trying again for a slightly more firm. ] Okay.
[ mind made up but body slow to follow, shiro delays them in his climb to his feet. keith is there, of course, willing to help steady him to legs that ache through the knees and threaten to buckle. he hasn't gained twenty pounds out of thin air, but he feels heavier; slowed and disjointed in this body that worked so efficiently the moment he gave into instinct, but now can't seem to remember how to do the simplest of tasks. none of this would matter if it weren't for the sounds echoing down the tunnel, first as footsteps, then as shuffling goods, and finally… a crash?
shiro winces violently, anxiety skyrocketing and body locking up, that it's a wonder he doesn't collapse down to the grating again. surely he would have, if it weren't for keith's continued support. half led and half by his own volition, shiro starts down the opposite way of the noises, giving the murdered remains a quick glance as they both pass. if he wasn't brittle from a deteriorating mental state, he would think to check the bodies over for clues as to what the fuck it is, where it came from, what it wanted, anything, because they won't be getting another chance. once the sentries and deputies come across the scene, they'll clean it up, as though nothing ever happened.
though, maybe that's for the best? how deep does shiro's curiosity go? further now, shiro faintly recognizes where they are; not enough to lead them out, but it settles, a little, that adrift feeling that has him perpetually feeling lost. the sweet, flowery scent is different, though. he doesn't remember that. fast moving from the broken shipment to the vents to the circling air, the potpourri fragrance comes out surprisingly strong. shiro's steps slow after the second lungful and then stop completely be the fourth. he doesn't say anything. he recognizes that it's strange that he says nothing, yet he blinks slow and stares after keith, uncomprehending and distanced for the fifth breath.
it truly is fast moving, because it floods shiro's system in a way that is beyond logic. the apprehensive tension that's been coloring his expression? gone. replaced, instead, by hazy, softened eyes and a quirk to his mouth that reads fond. ]
See… I knew it. You’re so pretty when you’re leadering.
[ that is definitely not what shiro's been saying all this time when he first started pushing for keith to take over as voltron leader. i like it when you're bossy, is closer, but this isn't that either. this is shiro easing into shy flirtation at the most inappropriate time, peeling back metaphorical layers. ]
You’re so good, Keith. I don’t tell you that enough. [ true. very true. ] You take care of me. Always.
[ wasn't he just telling himself not to depend so heavily on keith? to pull himself together and not lean on that care? the sudden acceptance of such selfishness doesn't alarm shiro, for he lacks the self-awareness to recognize it. so he steps closer, body buzzing all the way to his fingertips, which reach for and clutch at keith forearm with both hands. ]
I wanna feel safe. [ pleading now, he gives keith's arm a shake. ] You make me feel safe. Especially when you put your arms around me and hold me close. There’s nowhere I feel safer than in your arms. I never want to leave them.