[ from that initial takeoff, he's pretty sure he might have some explaining to do, which is fine. he can handle that. ]
Okay, so like, I know what you're probably thinking, and you're not necessarily wrong... it's just that nobody's ever bothered to ask the right questions, and I'm not gonna go broadcasting things. Like, it's never been a secret or anything. Girls are just more fun to flirt with and I don't gotta worry about getting punched in the face for a wrong assumption.
[ in his mind, there's no difference between thinking a guy is attractive versus a girl, and being turned down had never been too big a deal because even though he kept his flirting toward women, he could reassure himself that for every girl that said no, there was a guy who'd say yes... even if he never approached them or gave them reason to approach him. he'd never even bothered to consider himself with a guy because there was always a pretty girl he could dote on. then allura came along and he threw everything into her, even though he knows she's not really interested.
but there's another reason for this, and that's because this place and its stupid misconducts happened, and it forced him to acknowledge that part of him that he'd always swept under the rug and never gave more than a passing thought to. ]
You gotta promise me that you're not gonna flip out on me for this, okay?
[ without waiting for an answer, lance takes a slow, deep breath and launches into it. ]
Okay, so um... you know I went to the lighthouse with Keith and Angel, right? Well, we kinda got in trouble, which you also probably know about, because I don't really see Keith keeping you in the dark about that. Anyway, I spent three days stuck in solitary which was so not fun, had to make a public apology which was also not fun, had something else added to my sentence so now I have tattoos on there, and I had to-
[ he falters, pausing to find the right words. ]
-to let anyone do whatever they wanted to me for three days. I got really lucky that there weren't a whole lot of us here at the time because I had one hit that panned out, but I freaked because I didn't know the guy and it kinda creeped me out, and when I told Keith about it, he asked me to meet him at the pool, and because he said it, I had to do it, so I went and we talked about it a while and then we decided that talking there was probably a bad idea in case there were people listening so we went to his place and things happened and I kinda sorta maybe might've slept with Keith and now I feel really bad about it because I took something from him that I can't give back.
[ breathe. and try it again, but slower. ]
I made him have to waste firsts on me that he should've spent on someone he actually likes and not someone who annoys him to death, and I know he said it was fine, but it's not and I can't fix that... and what's even worse is that I didn't hate it. And now I just... I dunno what to do.
no subject
Okay, so like, I know what you're probably thinking, and you're not necessarily wrong... it's just that nobody's ever bothered to ask the right questions, and I'm not gonna go broadcasting things. Like, it's never been a secret or anything. Girls are just more fun to flirt with and I don't gotta worry about getting punched in the face for a wrong assumption.
[ in his mind, there's no difference between thinking a guy is attractive versus a girl, and being turned down had never been too big a deal because even though he kept his flirting toward women, he could reassure himself that for every girl that said no, there was a guy who'd say yes... even if he never approached them or gave them reason to approach him. he'd never even bothered to consider himself with a guy because there was always a pretty girl he could dote on. then allura came along and he threw everything into her, even though he knows she's not really interested.
but there's another reason for this, and that's because this place and its stupid misconducts happened, and it forced him to acknowledge that part of him that he'd always swept under the rug and never gave more than a passing thought to. ]
You gotta promise me that you're not gonna flip out on me for this, okay?
[ without waiting for an answer, lance takes a slow, deep breath and launches into it. ]
Okay, so um... you know I went to the lighthouse with Keith and Angel, right? Well, we kinda got in trouble, which you also probably know about, because I don't really see Keith keeping you in the dark about that. Anyway, I spent three days stuck in solitary which was so not fun, had to make a public apology which was also not fun, had something else added to my sentence so now I have tattoos on there, and I had to-
[ he falters, pausing to find the right words. ]
-to let anyone do whatever they wanted to me for three days. I got really lucky that there weren't a whole lot of us here at the time because I had one hit that panned out, but I freaked because I didn't know the guy and it kinda creeped me out, and when I told Keith about it, he asked me to meet him at the pool, and because he said it, I had to do it, so I went and we talked about it a while and then we decided that talking there was probably a bad idea in case there were people listening so we went to his place and things happened and I kinda sorta maybe might've slept with Keith and now I feel really bad about it because I took something from him that I can't give back.
[ breathe. and try it again, but slower. ]
I made him have to waste firsts on me that he should've spent on someone he actually likes and not someone who annoys him to death, and I know he said it was fine, but it's not and I can't fix that... and what's even worse is that I didn't hate it. And now I just... I dunno what to do.
[ help me obi-wan shirobi, you're my only hope! ]