[ so much for this feeling like a dream. hard to imagine that five minutes ago, he’d been pressing smiles to keith’s lips. it’s unconscionable. everything's unraveled so quickly; so much so that shiro’s feeling a touch winded from the tumbling decline. shouldn’t have brought it up is the loud, resounding thought in his head. the scars had been a misstep, one of misunderstanding that still could have been cleared up with a tighter hold and a dip closer, one that spelled out just how dearly shiro wants to let keith in. but he’s muddled it up, instead using words that have dug the hole deeper.
just – bringing mention of another man into their bed? it’s made even stranger by the fact that the other man is technically him.
he flattens his lips together, marginally drawing them inward as he watches keith watch a seemingly fascinating patch of skin near his collarbone. it’s discouraging, both in the way keith shies away from him and in the idea that this shiro’s future holds the possibility that he will never find peace with his past. it’s possible, he supposes, that he does, and simply never breathes a word to anyone about it. unlikely, he thinks shortly thereafter, because keith’s reaction is downtrodden and meek. he doesn’t get better, does he? maybe he even gets worse.
if that isn’t motivation to talk through the mess in his head, he doesn’t know what is. even so, reluctance closes his throat. he’s not ready. he doesn’t know where to start. why did he bring it up if it wasn’t going to go anywhere? ]
I’m still figuring it out myself… maybe he is too. There’s a lot to… unpack. [ it feels odd to talk about himself, like he’s another entity. he is, of course. he isn’t this keith’s shiro. there’s nothing that says he’ll even age into this keith’s shiro. it’s even odder then, to defend the other shiro; to speak on his behalf, as though to soften any hurt feelings keith has when thinking of him. he feels obligated in some small way, because when their sentences are complete, they all go back to their own realities, right? he wants this keith to want to go back to his shiro, too. that’s the shiro he belongs too.
he tries for an encouraging smile, managing to pull off a half-way decent one. ]
And with the war going on, I know he’d wanna keep strong for the team by burying his issues. [ a beat and a forced laugh. ] Fake it until you make it – a flaw of all Shiros it seems.
no subject
just – bringing mention of another man into their bed? it’s made even stranger by the fact that the other man is technically him.
he flattens his lips together, marginally drawing them inward as he watches keith watch a seemingly fascinating patch of skin near his collarbone. it’s discouraging, both in the way keith shies away from him and in the idea that this shiro’s future holds the possibility that he will never find peace with his past. it’s possible, he supposes, that he does, and simply never breathes a word to anyone about it. unlikely, he thinks shortly thereafter, because keith’s reaction is downtrodden and meek. he doesn’t get better, does he? maybe he even gets worse.
if that isn’t motivation to talk through the mess in his head, he doesn’t know what is. even so, reluctance closes his throat. he’s not ready. he doesn’t know where to start. why did he bring it up if it wasn’t going to go anywhere? ]
I’m still figuring it out myself… maybe he is too. There’s a lot to… unpack. [ it feels odd to talk about himself, like he’s another entity. he is, of course. he isn’t this keith’s shiro. there’s nothing that says he’ll even age into this keith’s shiro. it’s even odder then, to defend the other shiro; to speak on his behalf, as though to soften any hurt feelings keith has when thinking of him. he feels obligated in some small way, because when their sentences are complete, they all go back to their own realities, right? he wants this keith to want to go back to his shiro, too. that’s the shiro he belongs too.
he tries for an encouraging smile, managing to pull off a half-way decent one. ]
And with the war going on, I know he’d wanna keep strong for the team by burying his issues. [ a beat and a forced laugh. ] Fake it until you make it – a flaw of all Shiros it seems.